True Lies about Marriage !

LIE 1: ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE
Marital bliss is a myth. The type of unconditional love that one has for their own children, doesn’t and shouldn’t exist between marital partners. We live in a culture that stresses a preoccupation with personal happiness above all and a belief that marriage is the solution to life’s problems and essential for personal happiness. This type of thinking leaves people unskilled in developing and managing intimate relationships and couples who have little appreciation for the true difficulties and complexities of married life.

LIE 2: I TALK ALL THE TIME; MY SPOUSE JUST DOESN’T LISTEN
Most of us talk ourselves to death but we actually communicate very poorly. We are encouraged to be open about our feelings but very few of us know how to speak or listen effectively. Relationship experts advise us to tell it like it is and be brutally honest to our partners but the truth is that brutal honesty often encourages brutality more than honesty. Spouses use their version of the truth to bludgeon their partners into submission.

LIE 3: PEOPLE DON’T REALLY CHANGE
Many today believe that deep down, people can’t change much or that nothing in a marriage can change unless both partners change. These incorrect and pessimistic beliefs sabotage efforts to improve the marriage. Most people go about trying to change their relationships in unproductive ways, get frustrated by the results and then claim that this outcome proves that people don’t change, but even if one partner is adamantly set against change, there’s a lot the other partner can do.

LIE 4: WHEN YOU MARRY, YOU CREATE YOUR OWN FAMILY LEGACY
You may live far away from your family of origin, but now that you have your own family, their grip on you is tighter than ever. When we become husbands, wives
and parents, the models and issues we saw within our families of origin emerge and take over our relationships. Our grandparents were likely to live close to their parents (if not in the same house), see each other often and stay personally involved in each other’s lives. Today, in our highly mobile society, we tend to live farther from our parents. Paradoxically, their influence may be greater than ever. Spouses who don’t appreciate the power their original families exert on their values and styles tend to face problems in their marriages.

LIE 5: EGALITARIAN MARRIAGE IS EASIER THAN TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE
In the newer, egalitarian model of marriage, the expectation is that while not every chore will be split halfway, family responsibilities should be divided fairly, and decisionmaking power will be shared. The husband in this model respects his wife’s work and shares in family life, never insisting on being in control based on financial earnings or gender. Equality in theory is wonderful; in reality, but spouses in trouble often are conflicted over gender role expectations and responsibilities.

LIE 6: CHILDREN SOLIDIFY A MARRIAGE
Let’s speak the unspeakable: Children are an enormous threat to your marriage. It’s very, very difficult to admit that the children you love so much can drive a wedge into your life as a couple. However,
the reality is that in a world where spouses already work too hard and don’t spend enough time with each other, the addition of children usually eats up the remaining physical and emotional energy you had for each other. Even when you love your children fiercely, even when you think you are prepared for the tremendous dislocation they would cause, children can tear your marriage down to its bedrock.

Your cell phone is an extension of your arm !

Cellphones are not just a part of our lives but they control our lives to a large extent now. While everyone may not be tech savvy but there are enough cell savvy people around. And their love for their gadget knows no bounds. Don’t get us wrong, there’s nothing bad in loving your gadget but following some basic etiquette would go a long way in ensuring that your heart to heart chat doesn’t turn you into public nuisance.

WHAT’S PRIVATE ISN’T PUBLIC
* If you are talking to a loved one or a close confidante or discussing important business matters then you wouldn’t like everyone present in the room to be silent listeners. Also, while you may not think so but others may feel awkward if you discuss too many personal details. Excuse yourself and take your call.
* When in the company of others, neither take nor make telephone calls. Nothing is more irksome than being spurned by a friend whose frequent cell phone conversations take precedence over live tete-a-tete.
* Answering an incoming call in an interview or business meeting is a faux-pas that is to be avoided at all costs.

TALK AT THE RIGHT PLACE, RIGHT TIME
*Don’t start shouting just because there’s signal problem. It won’t carry your voice through.
* In case the background is noisy and you are at a public place then try and go to a quieter place and then talk.
* Never burst out laughing when the joke is not meant to be shared with everyone. Better you enjoy it alone.
* At an event, keep your mobile silent. Imagine you trying to say something and other person playing the silly ringtone. It is a truth universally acknowledged that cell phones must be switched off in the theatre. There is absolutely no excuse. Offenders shall be tarred and feathered! Obviously, this also applies to the cinema, the symphony and spoken word and performance art. Rock concerts and hip-hop shows are generally considered exempt.

HANDS FREE

* When piloting an automobile, use a hands-free device or resist answering incoming calls. Not only is it dangerous to talk and drive, it is illegal too.
* Chatting on your phone while walking the road may pique pedestrians.
* Having hands free doesn’t mean you have the freedom to talk just about anywhere. Better is to do one thing at a time than be lost in your conversation and ignore what others are saying.

HAVE LENS, WILL SHOOT

* A camera mobile shouldn’t make you trigger happy. Respect the privacy of others. Don’t click pics without their consent.
* Always shut the lens of your camera mobile when not in use. This helps a lot in avoiding problems as there are people who might get offended even if a camera is pointed at them.
*Turn off camera’s flash wherever applicable like at a zoo using a flash light can be distractive.

New, Fresh Love rules !

Just because you’ve always done something one way doesn’t mean it’s the right way. Remember how much your life improved when you finally gave up super-lowrise jeans, dating only bad boys, and dial-up modems? Relationship experts say that ditching the following seven love rules can be just as liberating, maybe more.

OLD RULE: DON’T BE A JEALOUS GIRLFRIEND

A lot of women think they’ll seem neurotic and needy if they act jealous. So when, say, a woman flirts with her man, many women may decide just to grit their teeth and play it cool to prove how secure they are.

NEW RULE: ACT A LITTLE TERRITORIAL

A couldn’t-care-less act can backfire, because a total absence of jealousy can be seen by your guy as a sign that you aren’t investing in the relationship. No, you can’t go all fatal attraction every time he comes into contact with another woman, but it is OK to casually point out specific things that irk you like when a friend flirts with him or he repeatedly brings up a female co-worker you distrust.

OLD RULE: NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY

You are trained to talk it out when there’s tension because you want resolution.

NEW RULE: SLEEP ON A PROBLEM

Heat-of-the-moment discussions can spiral out of control quickly. When you force an issue, you blab without having thought out what you need to say, which increases the chance that you’ll both blurt out things you’ll regret later. And that’s doubly true if you’re tired. Sleeping on it first allows you to sort out what points are truly important. It also lets you decompress so that you’ll be calmer and more rational when you make your case. Just say, “I’m irritated and need time away.” It can be smart to acquiesce if he’s asking for a recess, too. Instead of insisting that you hash it out at that moment, schedule a time to readdress the issue. Saying “Let’s talk about this tomorrow after work” makes it clear that you intend to revisit
the conversation ...
and that he’s not off the hook.

OLD RULE: CRUSHING ON OTHER GUYS IS CHEATING

Unlike men, who feel free to ogle away at chicks without the slightest sense of remorse, women have a tendency to overthink a fleeting flirtation or lusty attraction to other men. Some women worry that they’re betraying their boyfriends or that it’s a sign that something is wrong in their relationship. So, they ignore the compliments they get or look through that handsome guy in office. The end result is that you get all the guilt of an illicit affair without any of the fun.

NEW RULE: AN INNOCENT FANTASY CAN FUEL YOUR LOVE LIFE

The juiced-up feeling you get from a clandestine crush can be good for your existing twosome. The reason? You start to feel like that foxy, flirtatious single girl you used to be (the one your man found so irresistibly hot), and he reaps the benefits of your reawakened excitement.

OLD RULE: ALWAYS TRY TO WOW HIM IN THE SACK

You like to spend a lot of time cooking up ways to blow your guy’s mind between the sheets, which, to be clear, is a very good thing. The danger begins if you focus on pleasing him to the point where you don’t get your own O-zone needs met. Women sometimes have a hard time articulating what they want, particularly in bed.

NEW RULE: BE SELFISH BETWEEN THE SHEETS

Men pride themselves on being able to get you off, so even though it seems like a giving nature would provide him with the ultimate gratification, you’ll actually erode his sexual ego over time if he thinks your toes aren’t curling, too. If you’re not satisfied, you both end up unhappy. The solution is easy, even if you’re too shy to say outright what you like.

OLD RULE: YOU HAVE TO SHARE THE SAME INTERESTS

Some couples mistakenly think that being on the same page and being close means taking an active interest in all of each other’s pastimes.

NEW RULE: SOLO TIME BOOSTS YOUR BOND

Forcing yourself to participate in his random hobbies dilutes your interactions. You get bored and ask him lots of questions, and he feels uncomfortable because he knows you’re not really interested. Conversely, pressuring him to take part in your extracurriculars will just make him resentful. Enjoy your interests on your own.

Hold with Style !

She's forty something and on top of the world. Her world is a fantasy caravan. In her quiet moment, she’s a romantic. In Mumbai, she’s known as the ‘Accessory Queen’. Meet Meera Mahadevia, the stylish designer who creates heirloom masterpieces. But there’s more to her than her work. She’s a woman of all seasons.

Her zardosi batuas are the most-wanted items by some of world’s leading celebrities. Bollywood actress Rekha carries her bags, Parmeshwar Godrej walks in her sandals, Malaika Arora Khan flaunts her broad belts, Kirron Kher matches every sari with her bags. So does Sunita Kapoor, Diana Hayden, Bipasha Basu, Kareena Kapoor, Jaya Bachchan. On her India trip, Angelina Jolie bought her bag in Pune. Meera has also held successful exhibitions in Singapore, Dubai and London.

In Remembrance ! ( Ustadji )

What a way to offer a tribute to the maestro! Subhankar Ghosh’s docu-drama titled Yaad-EBismillah on the shehnai maestro was a perfect treat for music lovers at the GD Birla Sabaghar. What perhaps saddened many was to see the footages of the maestro when he was on his death bed, looking frail with too many tubes jutting out of his body.

But such is life and the only solace lies in the music of the maestro that has transcended all such mortal barriers. It was indeed nice to hear Dr Soma Ghosh’s tribute to Khan saab. Her rendition of kheyal, kajri, ghazal and Shayamsangeet had the audience hypnotised by the charm of the Benaras gharana. Equally captivating was the brief jugalbandi between Ghosh and Khan saab’s nephew, Mumtaz Hussaain .

The concluding session saw the performance of Tal Rang ensemble with endangered instruments including, Bangla dhol and eshraj. By the time the recital ended with a five-minute-long dhun on the eshraj, youngsters were seen enthusiastically clapping to the music. An instrument that can generate such response surely can’t be allowed to fade into oblivion. Surely, the city could do with more such concerts to wean listeners to this form of music.
Related Link - Tribute to a master : Yaad-E-Bismillah !

Women always prefer Gentlemen !

Is expectation of chivalry dead? If it is, is that a good thing? A new guide to chivalry for the modern man Manners for Men is selling like hot cakes abroad. The guide promises to equip any male with style and panache to confront every social challenge —from guidance on being an erotic lover and dealing with female bosses to training on how to open a door for a woman and how to play the date game. But are these old notions of etiquette valid in today’s world, where women claim to be second to none? Maybe, in today’s post-feminist society, it’s time to remind rules of etiquette and chivalry.

THE ETIQUETTE READY RECKONER FOR MEN :

*Maintain good hygiene; take care of body odour, use deo.

*Resist from lapsing into locker room conversations, swear words and slang .

*Use 'thank you' and 'please’ liberally.

*Treat female colleagues and friends with respect.

*Stop staring at the wrong places. Women know instinctively.