People sometimes say that they know a couple married for 20 years whose sex life is still as good as if they were just married. Here’s what you should tell them—If that’s the case, there are only three possibilities: One, the couple is lying; two, they didn’t have good sex to begin with or three, sex is all they really have together, they never connected emotionally. Well, sharing lives is very different from sharing dinners, long walks or weekends. When you were dating the man you ultimately married, you were both acting most of the times, always putting your best foot forward. When you were dating, if you complained to him about your day not going well, he would take your hand and ask, “Tell me what happened.” Now, after marriage, when he asks how your day was, you will simply snap a quick, “Fine,” and leave it at that. And, hey, he is happy to leave it at that too. Why? Because when you are living with someone 24/7, it’s difficult to be adoring or keep up the aura of mystery. Here are some truths about sex, for most married couples:
LOVE IS CONSTANT, PASSION IS NOT Everything in the universe eventually demagnetises when left close to something of the opposite charge. Magnets do. So do men and women. Some people fall out of lust in seven days, never mind seven years or 17! Basic animal attraction is a force of nature that seems designed to make us mate. Relaxing in our marriages and freeing ourselves from the pressure of trying to impress our partners has a predictable outcome. Our partners are not impressed. The magnetic spell we once cast on them begins to waver. And causes the loss of passion.
COSY IS COMFY, BUT NOT SEXY The more familiar men and women get with each other, the more they cease to be princes and princesses, gods and goddesses who evoke romantic fantasies or inspire amorous worship. Since couples lucky enough to be emotionally genuine with each other share so many real moments, they need to pay special attention to creating magical moments—because great sex requires magic. You can have a close marriage and recapture a good sex life—but only once you admit that reigniting romance takes creativity and a dedicated amount of time and energy.
INTIMACY IS NOT EQUAL TO SEX When a man and a woman reveal themselves to each other, it makes each person feel more vulnerable. And, particularly for men, it’s hard to have amazing sex while feeling emotionally exposed. Our earliest experiences with being intimate comes from our relationships with our parents. And those relationships are asexual. That’s why some husbands and wives are open about what pleases them sexually only when they have affairs. They feel as if they have to be free of family to be free with their amorous impulses. Change that by treating your spouse as your lover instead!