True Lies about Marriage !

LIE 1: ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE
Marital bliss is a myth. The type of unconditional love that one has for their own children, doesn’t and shouldn’t exist between marital partners. We live in a culture that stresses a preoccupation with personal happiness above all and a belief that marriage is the solution to life’s problems and essential for personal happiness. This type of thinking leaves people unskilled in developing and managing intimate relationships and couples who have little appreciation for the true difficulties and complexities of married life.

LIE 2: I TALK ALL THE TIME; MY SPOUSE JUST DOESN’T LISTEN
Most of us talk ourselves to death but we actually communicate very poorly. We are encouraged to be open about our feelings but very few of us know how to speak or listen effectively. Relationship experts advise us to tell it like it is and be brutally honest to our partners but the truth is that brutal honesty often encourages brutality more than honesty. Spouses use their version of the truth to bludgeon their partners into submission.

LIE 3: PEOPLE DON’T REALLY CHANGE
Many today believe that deep down, people can’t change much or that nothing in a marriage can change unless both partners change. These incorrect and pessimistic beliefs sabotage efforts to improve the marriage. Most people go about trying to change their relationships in unproductive ways, get frustrated by the results and then claim that this outcome proves that people don’t change, but even if one partner is adamantly set against change, there’s a lot the other partner can do.

LIE 4: WHEN YOU MARRY, YOU CREATE YOUR OWN FAMILY LEGACY
You may live far away from your family of origin, but now that you have your own family, their grip on you is tighter than ever. When we become husbands, wives
and parents, the models and issues we saw within our families of origin emerge and take over our relationships. Our grandparents were likely to live close to their parents (if not in the same house), see each other often and stay personally involved in each other’s lives. Today, in our highly mobile society, we tend to live farther from our parents. Paradoxically, their influence may be greater than ever. Spouses who don’t appreciate the power their original families exert on their values and styles tend to face problems in their marriages.

LIE 5: EGALITARIAN MARRIAGE IS EASIER THAN TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE
In the newer, egalitarian model of marriage, the expectation is that while not every chore will be split halfway, family responsibilities should be divided fairly, and decisionmaking power will be shared. The husband in this model respects his wife’s work and shares in family life, never insisting on being in control based on financial earnings or gender. Equality in theory is wonderful; in reality, but spouses in trouble often are conflicted over gender role expectations and responsibilities.

LIE 6: CHILDREN SOLIDIFY A MARRIAGE
Let’s speak the unspeakable: Children are an enormous threat to your marriage. It’s very, very difficult to admit that the children you love so much can drive a wedge into your life as a couple. However,
the reality is that in a world where spouses already work too hard and don’t spend enough time with each other, the addition of children usually eats up the remaining physical and emotional energy you had for each other. Even when you love your children fiercely, even when you think you are prepared for the tremendous dislocation they would cause, children can tear your marriage down to its bedrock.

Your cell phone is an extension of your arm !

Cellphones are not just a part of our lives but they control our lives to a large extent now. While everyone may not be tech savvy but there are enough cell savvy people around. And their love for their gadget knows no bounds. Don’t get us wrong, there’s nothing bad in loving your gadget but following some basic etiquette would go a long way in ensuring that your heart to heart chat doesn’t turn you into public nuisance.

WHAT’S PRIVATE ISN’T PUBLIC
* If you are talking to a loved one or a close confidante or discussing important business matters then you wouldn’t like everyone present in the room to be silent listeners. Also, while you may not think so but others may feel awkward if you discuss too many personal details. Excuse yourself and take your call.
* When in the company of others, neither take nor make telephone calls. Nothing is more irksome than being spurned by a friend whose frequent cell phone conversations take precedence over live tete-a-tete.
* Answering an incoming call in an interview or business meeting is a faux-pas that is to be avoided at all costs.

TALK AT THE RIGHT PLACE, RIGHT TIME
*Don’t start shouting just because there’s signal problem. It won’t carry your voice through.
* In case the background is noisy and you are at a public place then try and go to a quieter place and then talk.
* Never burst out laughing when the joke is not meant to be shared with everyone. Better you enjoy it alone.
* At an event, keep your mobile silent. Imagine you trying to say something and other person playing the silly ringtone. It is a truth universally acknowledged that cell phones must be switched off in the theatre. There is absolutely no excuse. Offenders shall be tarred and feathered! Obviously, this also applies to the cinema, the symphony and spoken word and performance art. Rock concerts and hip-hop shows are generally considered exempt.

HANDS FREE

* When piloting an automobile, use a hands-free device or resist answering incoming calls. Not only is it dangerous to talk and drive, it is illegal too.
* Chatting on your phone while walking the road may pique pedestrians.
* Having hands free doesn’t mean you have the freedom to talk just about anywhere. Better is to do one thing at a time than be lost in your conversation and ignore what others are saying.

HAVE LENS, WILL SHOOT

* A camera mobile shouldn’t make you trigger happy. Respect the privacy of others. Don’t click pics without their consent.
* Always shut the lens of your camera mobile when not in use. This helps a lot in avoiding problems as there are people who might get offended even if a camera is pointed at them.
*Turn off camera’s flash wherever applicable like at a zoo using a flash light can be distractive.

Man, Woman & Manners : At a formal dinner !

What to do if the table is improperly set:
Don’t rearrange an improperly arranged place setting and offend the hostess. In a restaurant, where an improperly set table does not reflect on the skills of the host, quietly rearrange the ware for comfort.

Where to place the hands when eating:
To avoid creating an obstruction to your dinner partner, when holding a utensil, rest your other hand in your lap. When not holding any utensils, both hands remain in the lap.


Do one thing at a time:
If you want to sip your wine, temporarily rest your fork or knife on the plate.

Resist the urge:
To create a relaxed ambience, resist the urge to fidget. For cleanliness, keep the hands away from the face and hair.

Posture:
Good posture at the table means sitting straight with the back rested slightly against the back of the chair. To avoid spills, lean over the plate each time you take a bite. Never tip a chair backward. Avoid wrapping your feet around the legs of the chair. Refrain from leaning back and extending your legs under the table, putting your arm on the back of a dinner partner’s chair, or looping your arm around the back of the chair. To do otherwise, blocks service and obstructs others from the conversation.

Elbows and forearms off the table:
To avoid crowding one’s dinner partner during a meal, the elbows remain close to the body and off the table. To prevent a barrier to conversation, the forearm and hand are not wrapped around the plate. But between courses, in the interest of hearing conversation at a crowded or noisy table, the elbows are rested on the table so one may lean forward, or the wrist and forearm are placed on the edge of the table.

Reaching at the table:
To keep from creating an obstruction for others at the table, reach only for ware close enough to grasp in one fluid motion. Otherwise, ask a guest to pass it to you.

Dealing with disagreeable food:
When food that you don’t like or can’t eat is served, rather than make an issue, take a small portion. Place the portion on the plate, and eat a small amount (or none at all). To compensate, take larger portions of other foods. For a severe allergy, say, ‘No, thank you’. At a buffet, take only the foods you like.

Spilled food:
When a guest spills food at a formal affair, a butler takes the appropriate action. But at an informal meal, the diner quickly lifts the food with a utensil and places it on the side of his plate. However, if food is spilled on another guest, the diner apologises and offers to pay for cleaning.

How large a portion to take from a platter:
When a platter of pre-sliced food is presented, and each slice is an ample size, take one serving. But if the slices are small, and it looks as if there are enough servings for each guest to have two, take two for yourself. As a courtesy to the last guest, make sure to leave enough food on the platter so he or she has a choice from several portions.

To refuse a beverage:
Do not wave the hands or cover up a glass or turn a cup upside down, simply say, ‘No thank you.’ When a guest refuses a glass of wine, see that he or she is given a glass of water.

Second helping:
At a formal affair, a multi-course menu is served that precludes the need to offer second helpings. However, at an informal meal, the menu is simpler and second helpings are encouraged. If the hostess does not offer second helpings, do not ask for them.