How much time do you spend with your children ?

Thousands of dads have spent the much-needed quality time with their kids this Christmas. But how can they make sure this closeness lasts through 2008? A recent survey found that one in four kids don’t count their father as being part of their family.
BE A GREAT DAD :-
1.Balance work and family time:
Young children will demand your time as soon as you get home — regardless of how difficult your day has been. Try to leave work behind you by avoiding starting stressful jobs in the last half hour of the day and winding down on your way home by listening to music.
2.Have a ‘getting home’ routine:
A big hug when you walk through the front door and taking time to listen to what your child has been up to is crucial. Try to set aside time each night to help them with everyday tasks.
3.Find out what’s going on in their life:
Asking questions that require more than a yes or no answer will open up the possibility of real conversation between you.
4.Remember one-on-one time:
If you have more than one child, try to spend time with them individually. Doing things you both enjoy helps develop skills and interests.
5.Help with schoolwork:
Reading stories instills good habits and creates a great bedtime routine. At weekends, surf the Internet with your kids. Volunteer to pick up your child from school, taking the opportunity to visit their classroom and meet their teacher.
6.Carve out some Dad-only time:
Keep Saturday or Sunday mornings as “Dadonly” time. And plan something fun to do.
7.If you only see your kids on weekends...:
Make concrete arrangements and stick to them. Forget expensive trips or gifts — your children will benefit most from time spent doing everyday activities.

Bar girls do speak English !

It’s a common elitist Indian assumption that has claimed numerous victims apart from bar girls. There are some people who ‘look’ as if they can speak English and some who don’t. For instance, the popular mindset has it that the burqa is equivalent to being English-challenged. Ask the smart Bori receptionists in their colourful burqas at the swank Saifee Hospital at Charni Road. Visitors usually address them in Hindi and proceed to look embarrassed when they reply in rounded, Convent-educated English.
The burqa poses other linguistic problems too. When Farial Sheikh walks down the street in Mumbai in a sequin-studded burqa, people assume she is from the Gulf, and launch into pidgin Arabic. “Once at Colaba Causeway even a beggar began to whine in Arabic,’’ says a stunned Sheikh. The 24-year-old enjoys calling the bluff of shopkeepers who, assuming she is the keeper of petrodollars, quote crazy prices, only to have her bargain back in robust bambaiya Hindi.
Islamic scholar Zeenat Shaukat Ali blames the media for validating these everyday prejudices. “It labels people with an image which they don’t really deserve,’’ she says. That’s why, she feels, we have preconceived notions of how certain categories of people should look—a terrorist must be bearded, a pandit cannot own a cellphone, a South Indian must wear heavy gold jewellry and speak accented Hindi.
A few years ago, when media professional Waleed Hussain was a commerce student at a Muslim college in Mumbai, he took part in the Brabourne Trophy elocution competition at a college in Jogeshwari. When the beard-sporting boy entered in white kurta, jeans and a pair of Kolhapuris, one of the judges helpfully pointed out, “The competition is in English.’’
Given that fluency in English unfortunately implies a superior socio-economic standing, assumptions of this kind can be insulting and downright snobbish. The unspoken connection between garb and gab is so subconscious that one assumes that those in traditional clothes will respond only in a regional language. Some years ago, 25-year-old Alliance executive Kannan went to visit his grandmother in Chembur. He found a swarthy, lungi-clad man seated comfortably on the floor. Kannan thought he was a villager visiting and was stumped when the man handed him his visiting card which said ‘Creative & Editorial Director’ of a new entertainment channel.
Psychologist Seema Hingorrany calls this mindset “learnt behaviour’’ that we imbibe thanks to the conditioning of teachers, elders, peers and the media. Hingorrany found herself in a similar situation once while addressing a workshop on attention-deficiency in children. She addressed one of the parents who was wearing a sari in the Gujarati style in Hindi. The lady was offended, and Hingorrany had to hastily cover up with, “No Ma’am, it’s because I thought usually parents are more comfortable with Hindi.’’
Rahul Gore, a young sales executive in Key Accounts, became friends with his local paanwalla following a similar misconception. “I assumed he was your regular Kannada paanwalla,” recalls Gore, who was taken aback to find an English daily and a financial newspaper in his tiny shop. “I thought someone had left it there,” says Gore. “Turned out he subscribed to them. He’s an SSC pass, who can read and write in English and maintains excellent everyday accounts, again in English. He even pays income tax,’’ says an impressed Gore.
In the first-class ladies’ compartment of Mumbai’s local trains, all fights take place in English. Recently, public relations executive Rhima Naik, who travels from Goregaon to Churchgate, was witness to a co-passenger’s embarrassment. When a woman in a gaudy pink sari and gajra jumped in at Dadar, a Catholic woman demanded in ringing tones, “Tumhare paas first-class pass hai?” To which the woman replied coolly, “Ma’am, I do. But can you show me yours first?’’ Naik recalls the shock that registered in the otherwise indifferent compartment.
The language stereotype works the other way too. Naik learnt this the hard way. Some years ago, she went to the ABN AMRO bank in Delhi with a friend from the US. The man at the counter was a foreigner, who said the transaction would take at least 20 minutes. “But it actually took an hour, so we started cursing him in Hindi,” says Naik. In between “Itna time laga raha hai, sala’’ their conversation meandered to girly talk of how he would make a “cute husband’’. In the end, of course, she was the one blushing, when he handed her the cash and said smoothly, “Ma’am, mujhe Hindi pata hai aur main sab samjha.’’ And as they blushed, he added, “Thanks.’

New, Fresh Love rules !

Just because you’ve always done something one way doesn’t mean it’s the right way. Remember how much your life improved when you finally gave up super-lowrise jeans, dating only bad boys, and dial-up modems? Relationship experts say that ditching the following seven love rules can be just as liberating, maybe more.

OLD RULE: DON’T BE A JEALOUS GIRLFRIEND

A lot of women think they’ll seem neurotic and needy if they act jealous. So when, say, a woman flirts with her man, many women may decide just to grit their teeth and play it cool to prove how secure they are.

NEW RULE: ACT A LITTLE TERRITORIAL

A couldn’t-care-less act can backfire, because a total absence of jealousy can be seen by your guy as a sign that you aren’t investing in the relationship. No, you can’t go all fatal attraction every time he comes into contact with another woman, but it is OK to casually point out specific things that irk you like when a friend flirts with him or he repeatedly brings up a female co-worker you distrust.

OLD RULE: NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY

You are trained to talk it out when there’s tension because you want resolution.

NEW RULE: SLEEP ON A PROBLEM

Heat-of-the-moment discussions can spiral out of control quickly. When you force an issue, you blab without having thought out what you need to say, which increases the chance that you’ll both blurt out things you’ll regret later. And that’s doubly true if you’re tired. Sleeping on it first allows you to sort out what points are truly important. It also lets you decompress so that you’ll be calmer and more rational when you make your case. Just say, “I’m irritated and need time away.” It can be smart to acquiesce if he’s asking for a recess, too. Instead of insisting that you hash it out at that moment, schedule a time to readdress the issue. Saying “Let’s talk about this tomorrow after work” makes it clear that you intend to revisit
the conversation ...
and that he’s not off the hook.

OLD RULE: CRUSHING ON OTHER GUYS IS CHEATING

Unlike men, who feel free to ogle away at chicks without the slightest sense of remorse, women have a tendency to overthink a fleeting flirtation or lusty attraction to other men. Some women worry that they’re betraying their boyfriends or that it’s a sign that something is wrong in their relationship. So, they ignore the compliments they get or look through that handsome guy in office. The end result is that you get all the guilt of an illicit affair without any of the fun.

NEW RULE: AN INNOCENT FANTASY CAN FUEL YOUR LOVE LIFE

The juiced-up feeling you get from a clandestine crush can be good for your existing twosome. The reason? You start to feel like that foxy, flirtatious single girl you used to be (the one your man found so irresistibly hot), and he reaps the benefits of your reawakened excitement.

OLD RULE: ALWAYS TRY TO WOW HIM IN THE SACK

You like to spend a lot of time cooking up ways to blow your guy’s mind between the sheets, which, to be clear, is a very good thing. The danger begins if you focus on pleasing him to the point where you don’t get your own O-zone needs met. Women sometimes have a hard time articulating what they want, particularly in bed.

NEW RULE: BE SELFISH BETWEEN THE SHEETS

Men pride themselves on being able to get you off, so even though it seems like a giving nature would provide him with the ultimate gratification, you’ll actually erode his sexual ego over time if he thinks your toes aren’t curling, too. If you’re not satisfied, you both end up unhappy. The solution is easy, even if you’re too shy to say outright what you like.

OLD RULE: YOU HAVE TO SHARE THE SAME INTERESTS

Some couples mistakenly think that being on the same page and being close means taking an active interest in all of each other’s pastimes.

NEW RULE: SOLO TIME BOOSTS YOUR BOND

Forcing yourself to participate in his random hobbies dilutes your interactions. You get bored and ask him lots of questions, and he feels uncomfortable because he knows you’re not really interested. Conversely, pressuring him to take part in your extracurriculars will just make him resentful. Enjoy your interests on your own.